Happy New Year

With a new year and decade on the horizon, I've been struggling in writing this very post.

As this is my last contact with you in 2009, so I wanted to leave you with good wishes for 2010. But what exactly would such wishes be? It goes without saying that I hope each of you enjoys a year of happiness, peace, health and prosperity. But those are things that are gonna happen to most of you anyways, even if you dont see it.

Instead, I thought I would go simpler and wish all of you (and myself) something that is easily within our own grasp and the theme of this blog.

Happy New Year, may 2010 be filled with laughter.

P.S. I'm sorry I havent been on but I have a girlfriend so I dont feel the need to bother the internet with my fucked up mind anymore.

My mybuster day.

Ok so I began my day in the name of science. First I disproved the existence of God, it was easy, I opened a paper and saw all the evidence I needed. One girl told a story about another girl getting an egg stuck up her vagina and it came out the next day hardboiled, I brought her an egg and she said "no." She never lets me put anything in there. Next I tried to see if Blue-Balls was a real condition, but none of the girls would let me test their boyfriends. One asked me why I didn't just see for myself, and I said "If you can find a girl willing to have sex with me, I'll be more than happy to." And that was the end of my scientific career.

A riddle from the cruel

If a fat girl crys alone in a forest.... Does anybody care?

Reasurance

Some of you may be aware that I have been off school sick. Well I'm coming back tomorow so cancel the party, I'm not dead. Now for anyone who has been worried about me, I'm sorry. And fromthis day forward I make a pledge. I will never again get sick, I'll just get more awesome!!!

The Church/Synagogue/Mosque of Awesomness

The Church/Synagogue/Mosque of Awesomness is my new religion. We worship the gods of Awesome, and their creations on earth. All who wish to join please ask away, we welcome all who worship Awesome with open arms.

My Theory

Serving at Mcdonalds is a lot like school. You say "Yes Sir" when your thinking "Fuck You"

Me in a cell.

For all those who saw my last photo and my new one, I'm going to tell you about the new one. It got taken at Kilmarnock Sherrif Court where I discovered you are not allowed to take a picture of the thing above the judges seat. Anyway when I was in the cell I got my friend to take a picture. Well I'm out now and back on the streets YAY!!!!! not for anyone else of course.

Meet The Parents (what not to do)

I met my girlfriends parents a few nights back, for some unfathomable reason I had to earn their approval. It was all going fine until her father asked me what I want to do. I told him that I wanted to study journalism and then get a job at a broadsheet paper someday, and he very kindly told me a was very ambitious. This is the point where I didn't think, if I did I would have probably kept my mouth shut. But, being me, I looked him straight in the eye and said "You should see what I've got planned for your daughter!"
I am now one of those rare single people who has worn boiling hot soup as underwear. Don't think I'll be earning anyones approval.

Sorry I'm not doing much.

To any twat who may be reading this, I'm sorry I haven't been very busy recently. My To-Do list has become so big and powerful that it has gained sentience and now holds conversations with me. Unsurprisingly, it has a sick, twisted mind.

Labour Win NO-ONE CARES!!!

Ok we have the Labour party making such a big deal about winning the Glasgow North East by-election. No one is really surprised, it's a very safe Labour seat. All that bragging about beating the Tories, honestly like its a big surprise that a left-wing collectavist party was favoured over right-wing individualists in an area that relies on the collective community to keep them going. If the Tories had won there, I would be surprised, I would also be furious that Scotland forgot what happened last time they got into power. The point of me writing this: Labour, stop blowing your own horn. And posh-twat Conservatives are hateful little bitches and i want to slap them over the head with a trout.

My book.

So I started writing my next book, it's the first one in a while. This time I'm trying something new. It's basically my autobiography in the form of a fantasy novel. If you ever read a book about a Demigod and his rag-tag team of mates ranging from Witches to Centaurs, you will know it's me.

Ode to flame!

Since the illegalisation of bonfires due to health and safety laws, many teenagers or younger get together and build them anyway. I helped do that over the last week and we get to burn everything last night in a feild. Let me tell you, hours of wood collecting, the sacrifice of my bed and stepping in all that cows dung just to watch a fire, WORTH IT!!! I happen to love bonfires, me and my mates build the fire and set some fireworks always looking over our shoulder for police and the farmer whos feild we were in. Then I took my top off and danced around the fire so everyone could laugh at me and scream at me for getting too close. All in all, a great night.

Swine Flu query?

Everyone seems worried about Swine Flu, but only me and a few others on this internet are asking the important questions:
If someone was into beastiality and had sex with a pig, then contracted Swine Flu. Would Swine Flu be considered an STI?
What does it look like when a pig with Swine Flu shivers or sneezes?
and finally...
When you get Swine Flu can you pass it back to pigs, or is it one-way?

Welcome to the insite into the mind of Holland.

Hello humans. My name is Holland and "I CAN HAS CRANBERRIES" is my way of getting my opinions out there. I am going to give you my opinions on things affecting the world today (including my question about Swine Flu being classed as an STI) as well as my own personal life (trust me you want to hear about me skinnydipping at night in winter). Anyway, I hope you enjoy what I have to say.